tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54217462662262307662024-02-20T18:29:15.252-08:00Incompetent HomeownerAbout the routine work, projects, and joy of a first-time homeowner with no knowledge of home maintenance.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-65557137739816222282011-01-31T08:23:00.000-08:002011-01-31T08:23:12.414-08:00An Actual Tip<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Scrubbing the shower by hand is a pain. Don't. Use a mop.</div>Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-56121326056329818982011-01-28T14:43:00.001-08:002011-01-28T14:43:05.010-08:00Bachelor Chow<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">This is cheap, tasty, healthy, quick, and delicious. Without the optional ingredients, it's actually a little too healthy. I once tried to eat nothing but this soup over a weekend. It wasn't some goofy diet, I just like the soup and am lazy. I ate as much as I could fit in my stomach because it's yummy, and I still nearly passed out due to lack of calories. That's when I started adding sour cream, and eating it with big chunks of bread.<br />
<br />
<br />
Lentil Soup<br />
<br />
Ingredients:<br />
32 oz box of low-salt beef broth<br />
1 cup dry lentils, rinsed<br />
2-3 medium tomatoes, chopped; I like Romas<br />
2 medium shallots, chopped<br />
Some fully cooked ham or bacon, chopped<br />
Sour cream (optional)<br />
Couscous (optional)<br />
<br />
<br />
Preparation:<br />
Bring broth to a gentle boil. Add lentils, tomatoes, shallots, and meat. Return to boil, then cover and simmer as directed on the lentil package, usually about 20 minutes. You may need to skim off some scummy stuff from boiling the meat. Serve with a dallop of sour cream for a little tangy flavor and much-needed fat. You can add couscous either because you like couscous, or to soak up the liquid and make the dish more portable for bagged lunches.<br />
<br />
In other words, cook the lentils as usual but using broth instead of water, and with meat and veg in.<br />
<br />
This works as a main, and sometimes only, dish. Best served with a filling side like dense bread, and beer.</div>Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-53397162230294843882011-01-26T11:49:00.000-08:002011-01-26T11:49:00.203-08:00Toilet Training #2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">The classic "running toilet" problem is when the flap doesn't stops the tank draining, or the float doesn't shut the valve and water overflows into the bowl (this is when jiggling the handle helps). My case was different.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">After some practice flushes, I realized the tank was filling higher than expected. It wasn't overflowing into the pipe, but it was close, and the extra pressure caused the flap at the bottom to open very slightly and create a slow leak. This leak was totally quiet and stopped on its own after about ten minutes, so that couldn't be the whole problem.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">I heard the louder drain-and-refill cycle happen a few times, and eventually I got to see it start. The float is supported and guided by a vertical rod; it's supposed to glide up and down the rod with little friction so it moves with the water level. The problem was friction between the float and rod, probably due to mineral buildup. As the water rose, buoyancy was countered by friction, and the float didn't go as high as it should, delaying the closing of the valve. That let the water rise a bit higher than it should, and the minor symptom of the flap not fully sealing the tank. But then the tank drained a little bit, and the float was being held up by barely sufficient friction. A jolt, loud noise, or temperature change could then let the float drop a half inch or so, opening the valve and starting the cycle again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">The most correct solution would be to thoroughly clean or replace the float and rod. I decided to simply adjust it so buoyancy would overcome friction. There is a little clip that holds the float in place, and by opening it I could move the float up and down relative to the shutoff position. I moved it down a quarter inch, so now it shuts the valve when the water is a quarter inch lower than before. In an otherwise working toilet, this adjustment will cost you some flushing power because the tank doesn't fill as completely, but in my case I think it just canceled out the old over-filling problem.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcLx_fq_NtgYf0cNB0Aspoay_pua0_zGTlng2oko3wyqBGgClJodI8fiKEwS7FSjZqjHoyMltdAzCE6k7xrw-8-LvEMaMJEkfYk3GRnB0iuxAVDOiiPbcTG5l9-apfPvfkYOKEm3mge61j/s1600/ToiletRepair+Jan2011+013.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcLx_fq_NtgYf0cNB0Aspoay_pua0_zGTlng2oko3wyqBGgClJodI8fiKEwS7FSjZqjHoyMltdAzCE6k7xrw-8-LvEMaMJEkfYk3GRnB0iuxAVDOiiPbcTG5l9-apfPvfkYOKEm3mge61j/s320/ToiletRepair+Jan2011+013.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">That was about two weeks ago, and there have been no further problems.</span></span></div>Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-34125972823222100652011-01-24T11:42:00.000-08:002011-01-24T11:42:00.236-08:00Toilet Training #1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br />
<div class="moz-text-html" lang="x-western"> <o:smarttagtype name="PostalCode" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"> <o:smarttagtype name="State" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"> <o:smarttagtype name="Street" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"> <o:smarttagtype name="address" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"> <o:smarttagtype name="place" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"> <o:smarttagtype name="City" namespaceuri="urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags"> <!--[if !mso]> <style>
st1\:*{behavior:url(#default#ieooui) }
</style> <![endif]--> <style>
<!--
/* Style Definitions */
p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal
{margin:0in;
margin-bottom:.0001pt;
font-size:12.0pt;
font-family:"Times New Roman";}
a:link, span.MsoHyperlink
{color:blue;
text-decoration:underline;}
a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed
{color:purple;
text-decoration:underline;}
span.EmailStyle17
{mso-style-type:personal-compose;
font-family:Arial;
color:windowtext;}
@page Section1
{size:8.5in 11.0in;
margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;}
div.Section1
{page:Section1;}
-->
</style> <div class="Section1"> <div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">One of my toilets had the runs. It would randomly start flowing for a minute or so, then stop with a loud thunk. Unfortunately, I only noticed it when I was in bed (with my head on the other side of the wall from the toilet), so I couldn't be arsed to do anything about it at the time. Then I'd forget during the day. Eventually I decided to deal with it while waiting for some Doctor Who episodes to finish downloading. I mean blind kids to finish being read to.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Fix-a-Running-Toilet">This page</a> was helpful in figuring out what the bits do. I'll just supplement the Internet's existing excellent information with my own special incompetent perspective.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;">I found the flushing mechanism rather clever. When you push the handle, it lifts a flap which otherwise plugs the bottom of the tank. Water flows from the tank to the bowl, then down the drain, flushing any let's say "goldfish" down with it. The force of flowing water holds the flap open until the water mostly drains; if you need more flushage you can hold the handle down to let the tank drain completely. Meanwhile, as the water drops, a float drops; the float is connected to a valve. The dropping float opens the valve and lets new water flow into the tank, but not quickly enough to prevent the tank from draining. More water also flows into the bowl. When the water level in the tank drops enough, the flap at the bottom closes, plugging the tank. The new water flowing in begins to fill the tank and bowl. As the water level rises, it lifts the float, which eventually closes the valve and stops all water flow.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIBf09wviPBlA17Rn41ZvZhmiYk5tjm4NCtyIylaZAv_AsN_hSSlf8Du1-6yCsmvrkI45tB3MEcDOlm_Fqsf_MgNQqpJR5Gncw75MTJNMzCCq5K-J0DKzOgqolE_6Ft727pmcYOXJHtTrG/s1600/Overview.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIBf09wviPBlA17Rn41ZvZhmiYk5tjm4NCtyIylaZAv_AsN_hSSlf8Du1-6yCsmvrkI45tB3MEcDOlm_Fqsf_MgNQqpJR5Gncw75MTJNMzCCq5K-J0DKzOgqolE_6Ft727pmcYOXJHtTrG/s320/Overview.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
</span></span></div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Next: diagnosis and repair.</span></span><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div></div></o:smarttagtype></o:smarttagtype></o:smarttagtype></o:smarttagtype></o:smarttagtype></o:smarttagtype></div></div>Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-88572957500371001862011-01-22T14:37:00.000-08:002011-01-22T14:37:57.108-08:00Roy: 1 Gravity: 0<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">I finally got on my roof and did a proper job clearing my gutters. They've been overflowing for weeks, but working up there is kind of fun in the right weather. Getting on and off the ladder is scary though.<br />
<br />
And now I have a ladder long enough to get into my attic. Unfortunately, that means I have to go into my attic.</div>Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-76334562994121440772011-01-20T09:12:00.000-08:002011-01-20T09:12:16.473-08:00How to Hire a Cleaning Service 2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">Step 1: Find out that they expect to get paid<br />
Step 2: Decided not to hire a cleaning service after all<br />
<br />
I think I'll just invite people over more often. That seems to be the only motivation that gets me to clean house.</div>Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-13049960027767546582011-01-07T11:52:00.000-08:002011-01-07T11:52:00.674-08:00Bachelor ChowTo help mitigate the financial vortex that is my mortgage, I'm cooking more meals at home. It's tricky to cook efficiently for one person, because if you buy small amounts you pay extra per unit, and if you buy larger amounts you may waste much of it. So I prefer recipes that A) have a small number of ingredients so I use plenty of each, and B) do well as leftovers so I can make a big batch. This is one of my staples:<br />
<br />
<br />
Barley-Rice<br />
<br />
Ingredients:<br />
Equal parts brown rice and pearled barley<br />
Low-salt beef broth<br />
Several gloves of garlic<br />
A Bay leaf<br />
Some black pepper<br />
A handful of cheddar cheese (optional)<br />
<br />
Preparation:<br />
Prepare the rice and barley together, following the directions on the bag but replacing water with broth. Rice and barley have nearly identical preparations, but you'll have to do some math to average the two together. While the mix is cooking, add the garlic, Bay leaf, and pepper. After it's cooked, remove the Bay leaf and stir in the cheese.<br />
<br />
This is pretty hearty and works as a main dish. Serve with veggies and beer.<br />
<br />
<br />
Random culinary tip: don't wipe your hands on your trousers. Wipe them on your socks. It will be less visible, and if you ruin them they're cheaper to replace.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-6289732588082896052011-01-05T10:19:00.000-08:002011-01-05T10:19:27.695-08:00Coffee Table Zombie 5Blogger ate the climactic update #4. I have a hunch it will appear sometime in March. Anyway, briefly, the lessons I learned from the Coffee Table Zombie project:<br />
<br />
1) It is possible to build something useful without expensive tools<br />
2) Some more appropriate inexpensive tools would still be really nice<br />
3) Making a mistake is a step in the process, not necessarily an end to it<br />
4) The people at Home Depot do not think the phrase "inter-dimensional lumber" is funny<br />
5) 2x4's are not 2 inches by 4 inches<br />
<br />
If I do another carpentry project, I will either A) get a decent worktable before starting the project, or B) make "make a decent worktable" the project.<br />
<br />
On a more serious note, I would not ask or permit my friends to use my table like real furniture if I weren't convinced it is safe. Obviously I made serious mistakes, but those are mistakes relative to a an intentionally excessive design of heavy lumber and long screws. I really did jump up and down, and twist around, on the table and it didn't even creak. This was even before adding the books, which do not directly support the table but only act like pontoons if it starts to tip.<br />
<br />
The most dangerous thing is probably splinters... of which there are a lot.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-79962927845906159032011-01-03T11:22:00.000-08:002011-01-22T14:53:35.416-08:00Coffee Table Zombie 4<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">The frame, which snugs into the recessed tabletop, is complete. The corners are glued and screwed, although my cuts were sloppy so one edge is bowed out. But now it's time to attach legs.<br />
<br />
I also had some trouble with this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglVUxJV7PEkVrO804uv6qdjG-JMMdA2JC64drd83vOv3Z68JxDFe6rfPgm2GfA5vuciM5sDQTgjCOvE-AdDHvxt2qdkS1anBXk8rG68pIGOREXlQSZQPwzd9d21mYiBxYPR-9qGj40bQAM/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+010.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglVUxJV7PEkVrO804uv6qdjG-JMMdA2JC64drd83vOv3Z68JxDFe6rfPgm2GfA5vuciM5sDQTgjCOvE-AdDHvxt2qdkS1anBXk8rG68pIGOREXlQSZQPwzd9d21mYiBxYPR-9qGj40bQAM/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+010.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
I made two big mistakes, repeatedly: A) not pre-drilling holes for the screws, and B) holding my electric drill/screwdriver at an awkward position. This caused the screwdriver to slip, which gouged the head of the screw. Several screws were so badly damaged I couldn't screw them in further or even remove them:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHVH4M57Rd6fmH4-iPJ9QSvsgKvw1q_cUm3aYT4rt9oaBSF2Xp0O_M16rK8WcApBzhGvxpOxd34q6sEN-o_G8lJc3GhyphenhyphenMKOx1HhlO6VwgdN7gaR-wGoI3FWhbIkHDuAnc0r1aoLhisK0l3/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+013.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHVH4M57Rd6fmH4-iPJ9QSvsgKvw1q_cUm3aYT4rt9oaBSF2Xp0O_M16rK8WcApBzhGvxpOxd34q6sEN-o_G8lJc3GhyphenhyphenMKOx1HhlO6VwgdN7gaR-wGoI3FWhbIkHDuAnc0r1aoLhisK0l3/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+013.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
The last two corners are pretty clean because I pre-drilled carefully and repositioned the piece so I could align the drill vertically. I also did any more "hard" screws by hand, which is not fun but is much less likely to slip and damage the screw.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, those screws are three inches long, so most of the ones that are sticking out still have at least 1/2 an inch in the opposite board. The screw that's way, way out is supplemented by an extra screw. So it's still reasonably strong.<br />
<br />
With the legs screwed up, the work was basically done. Here is the "topless coffeetable" I made:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWFsZYcmd7iMF4FpshjMKb8hJLP-HE-zqxIjB2aAne2bujhIeHviXXE155bL3m70Pe3Zw1QTgk81nX2lW1fsODFI3o4YpAPxj-9YpQJ1a1cxDoElHntvlYtFJkMPI60UxBmAvKus13Qbe5/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+015.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWFsZYcmd7iMF4FpshjMKb8hJLP-HE-zqxIjB2aAne2bujhIeHviXXE155bL3m70Pe3Zw1QTgk81nX2lW1fsODFI3o4YpAPxj-9YpQJ1a1cxDoElHntvlYtFJkMPI60UxBmAvKus13Qbe5/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+015.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
I decided to simply set the tabletop on the frame, using the recess at the bottom of the tabletop, instead of permanently connecting them. Bizarrely, it's a perfectly snug fit! Apparently the mistakes I made in my fabrication canceled out the odd measurements of the commercial product. So here is my coffee table, returned to its natural habitat with new prosthetic legs:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiooABnvKem6gsiAvGTJ1imy5WRyjVFTt08B6IvrBNrRu6-23vbGqoxPt-M6V82xDrfed1kiDqL1VKJieM2IJoDQ2zDJwa-We1n5UJuIhGh3SDoFvTJkZAH1uYv1S8P0QFoW5cIYGxO6ayu/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+016.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiooABnvKem6gsiAvGTJ1imy5WRyjVFTt08B6IvrBNrRu6-23vbGqoxPt-M6V82xDrfed1kiDqL1VKJieM2IJoDQ2zDJwa-We1n5UJuIhGh3SDoFvTJkZAH1uYv1S8P0QFoW5cIYGxO6ayu/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+016.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
It works pretty well this way, but the new base is somewhat narrow and not really attached to the top, so there's a stability problem. This was easy to solve with some books I don't expect to read:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTk0k3rZxSetVunSLpK3OMhI422Ra62lhNsEXWQeskZfuPxCLlsDB3jolhsT6q5jKsJgSIGxf3KJ_O22v9GVBJhyTOFvxoEYu6SZ4z-WdPLJFY1qP4TEI6RcX1Zdat9jgknmCUVoVPJoiD/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+019.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTk0k3rZxSetVunSLpK3OMhI422Ra62lhNsEXWQeskZfuPxCLlsDB3jolhsT6q5jKsJgSIGxf3KJ_O22v9GVBJhyTOFvxoEYu6SZ4z-WdPLJFY1qP4TEI6RcX1Zdat9jgknmCUVoVPJoiD/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+019.JPG" width="320" /></a></div></div>Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-87277526307696746712010-12-30T12:14:00.000-08:002010-12-30T12:14:37.498-08:00Coffee Table Zombie 3Cutting the wood to length is not worth writing much about. The only hard part was finding a way to hold things stable while I cut. I'm just pleased that I didn't A) hurt myself, B) waste much wood, or C) cut my miter box in half. <br />
<br />
The top frame is made with <a href="http://woodworking.about.com/od/joinery/p/halfLapJoints.htm">half-lap joints</a>; basically cutting half the thickness out of each board where they meet at the corners, and using the increased surface area to glue them together more strongly. This is a nice, simple technique that's easy with the right tools; preferably a router or at least a circular saw. It is a huge pain in the butt without the right tools. I only had a hand saw for cutting, and a wobbly folding table for a work surface. I don't even have a vice. It's very awkward to cut near the end of a board if you can't secure it.<br />
<br />
On TV, I've seen people make notches like this by cutting across the grain with a saw, then simply popping the wood out along the grain with a chisel. This did not work. Maybe I have the wrong kind of chisel (I think it's for cracking the shell of the World Turtle) or the people on TV were using softer wood. But I had to sweat for every bit of these cuts. This was definitely the hardest part of the project. And honestly, I wasn't very safe, holding the board and saw so a slip could have taken a chunk out of me.<br />
<br />
The results (of cutting wood, not me) looked like this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY3W9kAIhx4EaXJ7WVHEj4VGPwjZHNukjXOrLiyDHHfxXhWmf1d3PheOl0IQNhCLgNsImQTQrKkJeFRJW0afXFJkdb6D-YNYTN7aSkWsxjXSg1JiBk-0xFD8bZiwWkpe0gmMeHvwj0UtAf/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+003.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgY3W9kAIhx4EaXJ7WVHEj4VGPwjZHNukjXOrLiyDHHfxXhWmf1d3PheOl0IQNhCLgNsImQTQrKkJeFRJW0afXFJkdb6D-YNYTN7aSkWsxjXSg1JiBk-0xFD8bZiwWkpe0gmMeHvwj0UtAf/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+003.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Some of the results also looked this like:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiuZ9EIZrQhvNDDa0ekkrxnDZvz48O3DnVnsnobv14cqZ3lscCBiJ0J53BIsqm7sUue5X9zPHGqHyTwmiuTiNNX-dkJE6CjhkZ-b9fdatQYFOvzJDChJ9jDye3dK2_srYIVN-CB8hPisuP/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+007.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiuZ9EIZrQhvNDDa0ekkrxnDZvz48O3DnVnsnobv14cqZ3lscCBiJ0J53BIsqm7sUue5X9zPHGqHyTwmiuTiNNX-dkJE6CjhkZ-b9fdatQYFOvzJDChJ9jDye3dK2_srYIVN-CB8hPisuP/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+007.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Remember where I said I forgot to geometrize the dimensions of the lumber itself? This is where it bit me. I cut too big a notch. If this blog were "Competent Homeowner" or even "Slightly Greater than Half Assed Homeowner" I'd have to throw that piece out. But the way I see it, I can still get a pretty strong connection. The board's cut in half, but that makes it basically a 2x2 on the end, which is still pretty darn strong. I decided to use screws in addition to glue on the corners, and use the botched piece anyway.<br />
<br />
Maybe I should have stuffed something in that gap, like a shim or a biscuit, which is English for "cookie".Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-10188616155117512802010-12-30T11:09:00.000-08:002010-12-30T11:09:00.880-08:00Friendly HermitI bought this particular house mainly to do a better job at being alone. It's quiet and private. I filled the 2nd bedroom with geek toys, leaving just enough space to swivel my chair. The 3rd bedroom is absolutely empty, and I still kind of wish I could have found a place like this without a 3rd bedroom at all. The living room is really for reading. The "great for entertaining" deck is really for taking naps in the fresh air.<br />
<br />
But the really good memories I'm making here are from having people over.<br />
<br />
I had a small Christmas party this weekend. I left to pick somebody up, and when I got back my godson was napping in the living room with his mom, while his dad replaced the brakes on his car in the garage. And I was really glad that I had made my friends comfortable enough to do that.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-24063423228806475942010-12-28T18:35:00.000-08:002010-12-28T18:35:03.826-08:00Coffee Table Zombie 2I own a tape measure, hammer, electric drill, and hand saw. I can build anything, so long as it's ugly.<br />
<br />
To ressurect my legless coffee table, the basic idea is to build a simple but sturdy frame and legs, then set the new frame into the recess on the underside of the tabletop. I drew up some simple plans, but I failed to consider the size of the lumber, only the overall dimensions. This will bite me in the butt later.<br />
<br />
I already had some basic tools, so a $30 trip to Home Depot got me ready. I was pleased to learn that I can fit 8-foot long 2x4's in my car with only minor damage to the dash and stereo. Also, carrying lumber makes me feel cool. Not as cool as carrying a ladder, but it's it's nice. But I digress...<br />
<br />
Before starting work, gather the tools and materials:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-A46_5YFtCHsUlpjnfNgwWTFjUhjlUZnLtJmwdqfuVadw6TDng9XisijFwZ00KynOx1xpfQY3hb0eELruWZfEGnaFnK-FGsb5wYjhGfEdHcdQvjdwbA4I9d_jyViHQsw2Yk4hQWDx8nm4/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+005.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-A46_5YFtCHsUlpjnfNgwWTFjUhjlUZnLtJmwdqfuVadw6TDng9XisijFwZ00KynOx1xpfQY3hb0eELruWZfEGnaFnK-FGsb5wYjhGfEdHcdQvjdwbA4I9d_jyViHQsw2Yk4hQWDx8nm4/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+005.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
Most of this is obvious, but I should explain that the ammunition boxes in the back are for pressing joints together while glue dries. Probably. And the big yellow box which looks like a kid's toy is a cheap miter box, basically a guide for cutting straight lines with a hand saw. The miter box has plastic cams to lock a board in place, which is simple and brilliant.<br />
<br />
It's hard to see, but there's a tape measure on the table which is older than me. It was my grandmother's. She was a seamstress for many years, and after she passed away this was one of the few things of hers I inherited. The others are ceramic knickknacks and a couple end tables, one of which my grandfather (who I never knew) made. That tape measure is probably full of lead and asbestos, or ribbon candy, but I like using it.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-63286970890427787002010-12-27T20:30:00.000-08:002010-12-27T20:44:00.063-08:00Coffee Table Zombie This is my coffee table:<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7_iBeYRZZyC73sX8nU8mgOl65vHraxb5_oDdcD11-mW9eZArzWOgx5hTNA3ECxgzjEBO0NCWHCPYIHqqX3FFWZVlMveGDXE1BlQ17vMXJAvr2WwdjJpbwR9IxKWfMznnHL5PP68r63eoh/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7_iBeYRZZyC73sX8nU8mgOl65vHraxb5_oDdcD11-mW9eZArzWOgx5hTNA3ECxgzjEBO0NCWHCPYIHqqX3FFWZVlMveGDXE1BlQ17vMXJAvr2WwdjJpbwR9IxKWfMznnHL5PP68r63eoh/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+001.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
It is suffering from a bad case of not having any legs. We've mostly been using it as a quarantine zone; my five-year-old godson sits on it when he has snacks so he can't spill on the carpet. It was the parents' idea, not mine, so it's not arrogant.<br />
<br />
I'd been using the table as a headboard in my last apartment. I lost the legs after a previous move. Actually, I think I threw them out, because the legs are meant to bolt into the tabletop, and the movers busted the supports:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8hLq45nhOor8Q65jP1KVuywwyTFeVggq5jkvZqPMT3XIsLfpN_BbPlC-kzJ8HEbokF8pOX1QpXZGjw_VmrXtyPiIpH_CIUScL6GldQG9WhhrcRNENiGTv8ovaSkrjHzt1L7XPJsJqcDp7/s1600/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+004.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8hLq45nhOor8Q65jP1KVuywwyTFeVggq5jkvZqPMT3XIsLfpN_BbPlC-kzJ8HEbokF8pOX1QpXZGjw_VmrXtyPiIpH_CIUScL6GldQG9WhhrcRNENiGTv8ovaSkrjHzt1L7XPJsJqcDp7/s320/Coffee+Table+Project+Dec2010+004.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br />
<br />
I like the table. It actually looks better in my new living room than it did in the Texas apartment. I decided to fix the table, but with the underside damaged, I don't have anything good to screw legs into. There's a separate metal band that's meant to reduce wobbly leggedness, and it worked great with the original leg, but it was very difficult to align and put on, so I don't trust my mechanical skill enough to use it with any unofficial legs.<br />
<br />
<br />
I think I need to basically build a new table, sturdy enough on its own, and attach the top in a "this is not a load-bearing woozle" sort of way. The underside of the table has a large recess which would define the shape of the new supports, and be a convenient way to connect the two without making major changes to the nice factory tabletop.<br />
<br />
It's time to unwrap my hammer.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-26743546102780746512010-12-25T15:02:00.001-08:002010-12-25T15:02:32.418-08:00Holiday Haitus...too many cookiesIncompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-61624728271447351452010-12-22T09:38:00.000-08:002010-12-22T09:38:24.351-08:00Make Yourselves at HomeI mainly bought this house to be better at being alone. It's worked, but so far most of the best memories I've made are from having people over. It'd been over ten years since I've invited somebody to my home, not since college where nobody cares if your place is trashy. Sure, a few people came over, but they always invited themselves and I just didn't stop them.<br />
<br />
Now I can do, and I hope I'm pronouncing this correctly, "dinner parties".<br />
<br />
I had a small Christmas dinner last weekend. After one group of guests arrived -- a married couple and their son, my godson -- arrived I had to leave to pick somebody else up. They're my oldest friends, good as family, so I told them to make themselves at home. The house is probably better off in their hands anyway.<br />
<br />
When I got back, it was dark and quiet. The dad was working on his car in my garage. Mother and son were taking a nap in the living room. I was really glad they felt comfortable enough here to do that. It was not a "successful dinner party" sign by the book, but it was one of the best moments I've had here.<br />
<br />
I told them "make yourselves at home", which is a cliché, which I happened to mean literally.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-82756632025596285612010-12-19T11:33:00.000-08:002010-12-19T11:33:00.358-08:00Another reason I live hereIn my new office/nerd-hole, I can open the window. When I do, I smell fresh air. I hear the breeze, birds, squirrels, and very little else.<br />
<br />
In my last apartment, I couldn't open the window. I mean, physically, I could, but not emotionally. I would smell car exhaust and hear (more than usual) revving engines, horns, people screaming profanity, and this one obnoxious dude hocking massive loogies off his balcony.<br />
<br />
This is better.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-48323660061921893082010-12-18T12:31:00.000-08:002010-12-18T12:31:30.926-08:00How to clean spiderwebs from high ceilingsMy living room has very high ceilings. They have no practical value, but I like them. Spiders like them too. They set up an impressive network of webs in the highest corner. I think the classic solution is to get an extending rod, but I haven't seen any in the stores and they're surprisingly expensive to ship.<br />
<br />
On what should be an unrelated note, I bought my godson a remote control helicopter for Christmas.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-7775777108978854782010-12-17T10:27:00.001-08:002010-12-17T10:27:45.286-08:00Do you have to wash a house?Do you have to wash a house, or is it effectively self-cleaning because it's always left out in the rain? Like with cars?<br />
<br />
That reminds me, I need to leave my car out next time there's a storm predicted.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-29147076710327075582010-12-14T11:09:00.000-08:002010-12-14T11:09:00.915-08:00How to Hire a Cleaning ServiceStep 1: Google "How to Hire a Cleaning Service" and click the first link.<br />
<br />
If that's how you got <i>here</i>, have clicked the second link instead.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-87649140043486742782010-12-12T21:29:00.001-08:002010-12-12T21:29:56.823-08:00Giving upI decided to hire a cleaning service. My self control is no good.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-51169252579281937972010-12-11T11:03:00.000-08:002010-12-11T11:03:00.681-08:00Furniture shoppingI mostly resisted the temptation to buy new furniture. My parents generously bought me a dining room set, which I ordered to have for Thanksgiving, and which I may actually have for Christmas. My coffee table has issues and no legs. My bed is kind of broken, but it's a soft flat place with padding so it's still a bed. My living room furniture is just bad. So there are some areas I'd like to improve, but so far I haven't.<br />
<br />
I'm not thrifty or responsible. It's just that when I go to furniture stores I mostly find ugly overpriced junk. Why is "contemporary" code for "ridiculous, impractical, expensive, garish, and flimsy". Just for brevity?<br />
<br />
I don't mind expensive and I don't mind cheap, but never the two together.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-37263773461031736232010-12-08T11:01:00.000-08:002010-12-08T11:01:01.050-08:00Firewalls are Less Exciting Than They SoundDuring the home inspection, my house lost points for having gaps in the firewall between the garage and main house. The inspector told me to just fill the gaps with fireproof caulk. It sounded like an easy enough job. So I warmed up my caulking iron and bought the first tube of caulk I saw with "fireproof" on the label.<br />
<br />
The step I skipped: asking what a firewall is.<br />
<br />
Apparently there is a general worry about fires starting in the garage, then spreading to the main house. I'm not sure if this is because the car lives in the garage and fire makes the car go, or because people store chemicals in their garage. Quick Googling reveals that having extra-thick drywall between the garage and house is a fire safety feature. Drywall burns slowly enough that it slows fire's spread. Gaps in the firewall allow fire to jump past the slow-burning materials. So I assume the inspector was referring to the drywall as a firewall.<br />
<br />
I didn't see any gaps in the drywall, so I caulked up a loose board below the door to the house. The bright blue caulk did a fair job adhering the board to the... is it a wall? Base-board? I don't know what it was, but I glued the board to it.<br />
<br />
On what should be an unrelated note, my friends have been very understanding about not wearing shoes on my carpet. Even the five-year-old. So the next day, when I noticed several bright blue footsteps in my carpet, I knew I had only myself to blame. I had trod the most annoyingly bright caulk ever into the house.<br />
<br />
At least it's fireproof.<br />
<br />
Still more frustrating, the caulk isn't curing like I assumed. After nearly a month, it's still slightly tacky. This means A) I'm going to track caulk into the house again someday soon, and B) paint won't stick to it properly. I cross the blue line of shame twice daily.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-35350162563477090832010-12-07T11:18:00.000-08:002010-12-07T11:18:00.317-08:00The Glory of NatureThat's a lot of goose poop.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-36028573345356642612010-12-06T09:28:00.001-08:002010-12-06T09:28:06.853-08:00How to stop a running toiletShoot it in the kneecap.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5421746266226230766.post-62343892077039722612010-12-04T02:42:00.000-08:002010-12-04T02:42:14.940-08:00Are they still o-possums, or was that just in Oklahoma?Somebody yelled in the street at 2am. This simultaneously pisses me off, and makes me giddy at how quiet my new "normal" night-time noise level is. I grabbed a flashlight and walked through the house to make sure it was just somebody out in the street. I'm not sure what else I thought it might have been. World's worst burglar? <br />
<br />
While walking, I spotted an animal in the back yard tottering toward my window, then saw it again a few minutes later tottering away. I shone the light out but didn't see much. It was low to the ground, bigger than most housecats, and broad for its height. Raccoon? They can get big, but I think I would have seen the markings on its fur. I'm thinking opossum. They totter.<br />
<br />
Opossums in the neighborhood could explain the monster den in the corner of the yard.<br />
<br />
I heard some more obnoxious voices from the road, and something like a car trying to start with a weak battery. Yeah, that's frustrating. Yelling at 2am doesn't help. Shut up.Incompetent Homeownerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16253036179502428330noreply@blogger.com0